I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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