that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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