Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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