Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
