update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
