I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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