my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
