Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize