i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
