feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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