the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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