OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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