You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
