Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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