im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
