Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize