Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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