garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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