it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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