we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
