i'm signing you up for texting rehab
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
