ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
