there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
