i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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