So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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