someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
