For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
