Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
