Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
