how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
