she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
