the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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