she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
