In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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