the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
