I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
