Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wanna passion pit in your ass
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
