and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
