I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
