You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
