His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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