I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
