I miss vodka workout Fridays
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
