just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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