why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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