how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
