I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
