Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
