big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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