the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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