The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
