Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
