you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
