my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
