I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
