Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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