and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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