Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
