don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
