Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
