his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
