you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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