is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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