Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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