No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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