Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
