we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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