"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize