I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
