he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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