Say something about gay babies.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize