Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
