Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
