So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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