You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
cat food counts as protein by the way
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
