Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We are two peas in an std pod
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
