This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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