Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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