why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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