it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
