Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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