i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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