We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
