We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
