i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize