Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
