You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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