I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
