He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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