Only a mothe r could love this liver
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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