Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
