It's like God shit irony all over that family
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
