I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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